I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
