I need help removing her.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
