ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
