She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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