living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
