mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
