Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
