I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Randomize
