Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Randomize
