I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Someone shit on the floor
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
