I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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