I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
