idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
