I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
