Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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