K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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