Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
