just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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