I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
