Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
