Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
