for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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