my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
