He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
