So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
