dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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