It's Friday. Sex?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
