He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
