If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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