I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
