literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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