12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
