It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
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