I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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