i'm signing you up for texting rehab
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
