Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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