i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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