New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
