i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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