You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
