This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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