I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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