mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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