i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
