Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
