Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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