thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
