found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
