I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
it was like eating out sand paper
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
