Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
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We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
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Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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