wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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