9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.