youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
