I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.