just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.