I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
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I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
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Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?