and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You've changed since you got that strap on