the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
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You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
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my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind