Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
