I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again