Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
