I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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