my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
