very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
