I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
