i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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