I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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