life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
