She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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