it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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