Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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