Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
