I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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