So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
