Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
