and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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