ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
My liver just had a heart attack.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
