She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
we're making bets on your personal life
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
