Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
