i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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