The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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