All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
