hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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