I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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