i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
