she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
