Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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