There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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