We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
