i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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